On Saturn&Self-Care

I really wanted to have this ready on ~the day~ that Saturn moved into Pisces but…something I’ve come to realize about Saturn is that it encourages slowing down. Saturn is not into urgency. Saturn asks us to sit with the present, assess it, and share in due time.

So I’ve spent the past week thinking back to who&how I was before Saturn moved into Aquarius (my whole sign 9th house) and what I’ve learned in that time. There are a million little personal lessons I can draw upon but right now I want to focus on the biggest one. The power of FUCK.NO.

No is a road opener

I always had a hard time saying no, growing up. I like to think it was part nature and part nurture. Like, I have a Libra Moon with a Scorpio Sun and am constantly feeling everything in the biggest way so saying yes all of the time was my way of trying to control others’ pain. But I also grew up with caregivers that did not know how to teach me how to be an autonomous and sovereign being, and who did not know how to regulate their own emotions, so I became their external regulator. Contorting myself into various shapes to try to keep them happy.

And that way of being “worked” for a very long time…until it didn’t. Until I got tired of pretending to be something other than myself. Until I got tired of being tired and not having boundaries and not really understanding my needs.

No is a road opener. No sprouts up from anger (which is so martian and Mars&Saturn are secret buds) and cuts away what isn’t working. I learned the hard way that when I say yes (even when my brain, body, &soul are all saying fuuuck nooo) I hurt my-self, and I also hurt others. No is a road opener because it allows us more space and freedom to say Fuck Yes to what actually feels good.

It’s like the 10 of Wands – If I’m going to do the work of being responsible for something I want it to feel worthwhile. The tens are a moment of culmination. And in wands I see ambition&triumph&passion&joy. If I am having to tend something I want to be ~excited~ about expending that energy. If I am hunched over carrying a big thing it better be something that puts a smile on my face, and also something that pours back into me. It is the difference between the weight you carry that leads to injury and the weight you carry that leads to strength: I am not saying yes to what will harm me (even if it’s an intuitive thing and I don’t fully understand the WHY behind my no, I am ~very imperfectly~ learning how to heed my gut).

ps (Diana Rose Harper has a great workshop on Saturn&No that is a 10/10, I highly recommend it)

Ok but what about self-care?

Saturn has taught me that bubble-bath self care is sweet but not always substantive. That sometimes self care is regulating your nervous system after you’ve said no. Or actually filing your taxes on time, cleaning your bathroom&doing the laundry. Saturnian self-care often feels like shit-that-takes-time-that-we-don’t-wanna-do-but-if-we-do-it-we’ll-feel-so-relieved. (as I’m writing this I’m eyeing the dishes piled up in my kitchen sink). Because the anger that precedes NO is very FED UP with what is being OVERLOOKED.

I look to the 3 of Swords for support with this.

I know, I know: the 3 of Swords looks very doom&gloom and you probably get a little stressed whenever you pull it BUT I do believe that every card holds a valuable lesson and in the 3 of Swords I see a reality check (lol how Saturn. The card is, after all, associated with the Saturn-ruled slice{{decan}} of Libra, not to mention Saturn is also…exalted in Libra. I really cannot make this shit up.)

The three of swords asks us to look-at-it. To remove illusions of perfection. To be honest about how-you-feel-about-it. To do-something-about-it. NOT to continue to wish you live in a bubblegum world where you didn’t have to make decisions or all of the perfect circumstances land in your lap: but find a way to make your reality work for you. I think about how often this card is associated with heartbreak: and what is more heart-breaking than realizing it really was just you who was in your way?

Like, back to my kitchen sink: I know I’m a single person and I don’t need ten plates but I keep dirtying and begrudgingly washing ten plates. This morning I boxed up 9 plates to donate to goodwill, and laughed at how silly it was that such a simple solution was at my fingertips. I seriously considered hiring somebody to come wash them for me, looked up the cost and realized I could not afford it, and BAM, contending with the reality of my bank account, my desire, and my free time gave me the real self-caring solution. (I have since added 3 mugs and several glasses to the goodwill box).

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, navigating my Saturn return has taught me how to communicate and maintain my boundaries, how to work with what I’ve got to take care of my-self, and how to stay grounded in this here reality.

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